While reading about eka-tattva-abhyaas, I find myself remembering times when I become frustrated or angry while interacting with others. There seems to be a sense of the group's attention and sometimes others scatter that shared attention. Or maybe my wife and my kid are both asking for my attention at the same time. I'm at a loss for how to handle these situations with grace, when my intention is to focus on one thing at a time but I find myself in a situation where I'm unable to do so.
Hi Bobby - this is a great question, and certainly extremely relatable!
The first thing to note is that the momentary mind is always one-pointed. Scattering requires at least two moments in time with different objects in each subsequent moment. When we feel “scattered” or “distracted”, if you look closely you will notice that your attention is flitting rapidly between two (or more) objects.
The second thing to note is what you consider an object - attention is elastic - you can focus on an entire tree or on a single leaf. Even within a leaf, you can focus on the colour, the shape, or the patterns.
Now practically what does this mean? The goal is to create a tendency to focus on one thing at a time. If you want to get good at the guitar, you should focus on practicing the guitar as much as you can. Similarly, if you want to get good at keeping the mind one-pointed, you should practice that as much as you can.
When your wife and kid are both asking for your attention at the same time, you can set an expectation with one of them - gently let them know that you want to be fully present with them, and also what you are focusing on at the moment. For example, you can tell your wife that you want to be fully present with her, that you will be back in a few minutes, and that you’ll be focusing on your kid for that period of time. That’s three things:
1. You want to be fully present with them
2. When you will be able to give them the attention
3. What you will be doing until then
As you get better at this, the ability to focus on a larger object comes (e.g. your wife and kid together), but with any expansion of attention comes abstraction.
If you find yourself getting irritated, you can also practice equanimity - look towards the causes and conditions. What caused this situation to arise? View your wife and kid as empty boats, and the irritation will dissipate.
Finally, sometimes you will find that it’s more effort than it’s worth - in these cases, just let it go (vairaagya, even towards the practice itself). You will have other opportunities to practice, but don’t take your eye off the ball. If you want to get good at the guitar, you practice as much as you can, but you may take some time to eat, sleep, or brush your teeth (I would hope!).
I hope this is helpful. Please don’t hesitate to continue the conversation!
Brilliant article as always, Kunal 🙏
While reading about eka-tattva-abhyaas, I find myself remembering times when I become frustrated or angry while interacting with others. There seems to be a sense of the group's attention and sometimes others scatter that shared attention. Or maybe my wife and my kid are both asking for my attention at the same time. I'm at a loss for how to handle these situations with grace, when my intention is to focus on one thing at a time but I find myself in a situation where I'm unable to do so.
Curious to know your thoughts!
Hi Bobby - this is a great question, and certainly extremely relatable!
The first thing to note is that the momentary mind is always one-pointed. Scattering requires at least two moments in time with different objects in each subsequent moment. When we feel “scattered” or “distracted”, if you look closely you will notice that your attention is flitting rapidly between two (or more) objects.
The second thing to note is what you consider an object - attention is elastic - you can focus on an entire tree or on a single leaf. Even within a leaf, you can focus on the colour, the shape, or the patterns.
Now practically what does this mean? The goal is to create a tendency to focus on one thing at a time. If you want to get good at the guitar, you should focus on practicing the guitar as much as you can. Similarly, if you want to get good at keeping the mind one-pointed, you should practice that as much as you can.
When your wife and kid are both asking for your attention at the same time, you can set an expectation with one of them - gently let them know that you want to be fully present with them, and also what you are focusing on at the moment. For example, you can tell your wife that you want to be fully present with her, that you will be back in a few minutes, and that you’ll be focusing on your kid for that period of time. That’s three things:
1. You want to be fully present with them
2. When you will be able to give them the attention
3. What you will be doing until then
As you get better at this, the ability to focus on a larger object comes (e.g. your wife and kid together), but with any expansion of attention comes abstraction.
If you find yourself getting irritated, you can also practice equanimity - look towards the causes and conditions. What caused this situation to arise? View your wife and kid as empty boats, and the irritation will dissipate.
Finally, sometimes you will find that it’s more effort than it’s worth - in these cases, just let it go (vairaagya, even towards the practice itself). You will have other opportunities to practice, but don’t take your eye off the ball. If you want to get good at the guitar, you practice as much as you can, but you may take some time to eat, sleep, or brush your teeth (I would hope!).
I hope this is helpful. Please don’t hesitate to continue the conversation!